Sunday, May 16, 2010

Would you like to make that a meal deal?

"That comes to $42.50."

Husband's humor at it's finest last night when we are picking up our very late night dinner of Subway sammies because we are absolutely famished, which we shouldn't be considering our afternoon was filled with the amazing scents of dead cows, chickens and pigs smoking away over coals and smoldering wood at the Hico, Texas Steak-Off!

The Subway down the road from our house is essentially one of the 9 circles of Hell for me because they have practically no ventilation and the air quality inside the restaurant chokes me out of the place. It's not as if I necessarily love the ambiance of sitting IN one of these chains for my dining experience but it wouldn't hurt to sit and spread out to gobble my sammich now and then instead of hunching over my lap and/or the steering wheel because I'd be wheezing inside there.

Some days my COPD and asthma are so bad I can't even go inside, I remain out and peer in through the window looking a bit like a dog at the shelter desperately hoping someone will adopt me and bring me a 6" toasted multi-grain turkey and Swiss with Chipotle mayo on it, plenty of lettuce and some spinach and onions and all sorts of other tasty veggies too. Oh, don't forget a bottled water - because I won't drink the water in this Godforsaken town.

We wander in and are raising a ruckus as usual, talking over one another while the Subway Sandwich Artist is trying to inquire about our bread choices. Husband is flapping his lips and has already announced that he is getting a flat bread with turkey and ham (yuck, I hate ham sammich's, all of that cured meat its like having a squashed piece of salt that looks like meat & taste vaguely like meat if you let it linger long enough on your tongue.)

He's asking me, "Are you going to tell her what you want or WHAT?" all the while he's practically indicated one of the bread choices for me which is completely incorrect because I'm switching it up this evening and going with ...the MEATBALL and going to really hog out and get the foot long. I intend on eating all the meat, some cheese and tossing the bread to the dogs.They love that garbage.
So here we are, bickering and having a grand time of it because for us it's not really a fight it's just a show of voices to see who can be more obnoxious.
The 'Artist' on the other hand is getting a bit flustered and I think she's starting to wonder ..WTF.
Finally she's put my bread on the counter, tossed the steaming hemorrhaging orbs onto the gluten rocket and started to slide it over to the vegetable section for a healthy decoration.

While she's preparing to do so, a new couple enters the store and she has to call her co-worker out to assist and as he passes by she picks up my tasty Italian torpedo, she doesn't even consider for a second to give it the cradling it deserves and PLOP PLOP PLOP...1, 2..3...4..and soon 5..6..7..and lastly the 8th sphere plummets to the floor with a thud and a marinara splash.

"Ahhh Man, That has Never happened to me before" she says, her cheeks flushed. She then says, "I just finished sweeping the floor, damn I'm so embarrassed"

I didn't see anything, did you see anything?

Naturally I'm also making fun of her co-worker at the same time, he has on those 'saggin' pants and I'm like.."dude that style is way out".
I can't help it, I think I'm getting old or something. These things bother me! Long hair on boys too!

He's taken offense to this and by the time that sandwich hits the floor he's starting to kid around with us and wants me to pay for the busted up one on the floor, mine, full price for the side items instead of paying for 'meal deals'

He says, "you'd best come back here and clean up"
I say, "okay, I will and I'll just take it down to the shelter...they won't know one way or another where it was. It's all good!"
When they ring up our meal - she is about to announce the total and the husband says..."That comes to $42.50' and all 4 of us start to laugh.

I left the place having him smile and giggle because I was sagging also and warned that I don't wear any drawers (undies) and proceeded to start to yank my pants down and bare my bright white ass.